Most of the time I don't even have an expectation that anyone out there in the world is reading my posts. I get it. I'm not a rock star name, I'm not super great at posting really often so I haven't built a following of readers. My blog is mostly library related, but I do post all my slice of life writing here, too, so I don't have a well-defined or specific genre that this blog covers. I'm not writing about Paleo recipes or stay-at-home-mommy stuff or how to create circus animals out of straws.
Normally, it doesn't bother me when I see zero comments. I mean I LOVE it when I get comments, but on a daily basis I have no expectation that I'll get them. I write for myself--to help sort out my thoughts and feelings for the most part. I hope it resonates with others and that they are helped or inspired in some small way, but basically it is a more of a reflective practice for myself.
As much as it bothers me to admit it, though, seeing zero comments during a writing challenge---where folks are commenting on at least 3 blogs per day--- is hard. I have a pretty strong self-esteem, but it carries the same sting as being chosen last for the dodgeball team, or not having a place to sit at the lunch table. Suddenly I'm 12 years old again and they purposefully "forgot" to tell me to wear pink.
I'm not good enough.
What made me thing I had anything worth saying anyhow?
I must be a terrible writer.
I've been totally fooling myself thinking anyone would want to spend their time reading my words.
What an idiot.
Everyone else has like 10 comments.
Every year during this writing challenge it gets to me. Every year I am reminded by these feelings to go out and comment on even more participants blogs because I don't want anyone else feeling like this. Every year I make a blog post about it as a reminder to myself and to others.
I'm posting this in part because I'm working on being okay with being vulnerable. I'm generally in warrior mode all the time, to be honest. I'll get it all done, with a smile on my face, and you'll never know I'm struggling. I don't love sympathy, I hate to be seen as any sort of "victim" or pitiful sad-sack. Yet, here we are.
So, here is my real for the night, y'all--and now I'm off to read and comment on several more slicers tonight. I hope you'll consider doing the same.
This is my favorite time of year! The time I get at least one comment a day. It does make me happy!
ReplyDeleteI love this time of year, too. But I still have zero comment days.
DeleteOh! I'll comment. You were just so vulnerable and honest. And, the rhythm of your writing came through loud and clear with the different sentence lengths. It is depressing to not be one of a chosen 3 by someone!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I read your piece so I can comment!But I have to tell you, I came across it on my third time sitting at the computer to comment on a few more. I agree- even though we write for ourselves, the comments are a very special part of the March challenge. I appreciate the honesty in this piece and the variety of ways you approach your topic. And great title.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you wrote about this today, Sonja. I know you've been with us for the past three (now four) years. I'm sorry you haven't felt the comment love. I cannot tell you how many times, though the years, that I have gotten radio silence on my posts. It is disheartening and frustrating. To receive nary a comment during a writing challenge is BEYOND frustrating since this is what the SOLSC is supposed to be all about.
ReplyDeleteI will be reaching out to you via email shortly.
Wrote a comment and don't know if it went through. This one is a test one before I try again.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I had to look twice because I was pretty sure I was reading my own thoughts. I haven't written this, but I've thought this same thing multiple times during this challenge! I totally understand where you're coming from as I too, don't always get the comment love. Sometimes, I'll click on people's posts, check if someone has commented and, if there are many comments, I'll click on someone else's post. While I understand why we are doing what we are doing, it doesn't take away the sting of not having a comment on your post. I'm sorry that you experienced that sting and I hope it won't keep you from writing and posting again. Thank you for sharing such honest thoughts!
ReplyDeleteSonja, I am a first-time slicer and don't know what you're going through first hand...but what you've written is so helpful for me to know. I'm sure none of us write for the comments, and yet when my phone pings with a comment I always read it immediately. So I suppose this means feedback, and knowing that people out there are reading, does indeed mean something. Sorry there has been so much silence! But thanks for your courageous post! -Lanny
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